1.I don't care how strong you think you are, nobody is stronger than a baby that doesn't want to get dressed.
2.Incredibly smug parents are more irritating than genital warts.
3.It's entirely possible for a sweet, beautiful baby to stink like the Glastonbury toilets.
4.If youth is wasted on the young, parenthood is wasted on the tired.
5.My son's "poo stare" is more intense than an episode of This Is England.
6.A 6 month old kicking you in the balls is funny. An 11 month old kicking you in the balls isn't.
7.People who don't pick their dog shit up from kids parks should have their nose rubbed in it.
8.Nothing halts frivolity quicker than a baby grabbing your glasses.
9.I'm pretty sure the lingering stench of that last nappy has taken value off our house.
10.Getting pissed on by your baby is not an acceptable Mother's Day gift.