MONDAY Why does Mummy sit down? She must know by now that it’s utterly futile – wherever she is I’ll find her and force her to get up again. I always ask nicely at first but if she’s not on her feet within a tenth of a second of my first request then I think it’s only fair to start shouting at her with increasing volume and indignation. She must stand up, always. Be ready, woman. I may not need you right this instant but if you’re sitting down you’re literally no good to anybody. TUESDAY Two things I cannot and will not abide: 1.INJUSTICE 2.CARROTS. Both make me sick to the core. Thankfully, the Big People don’t hide mashed bits of injustice in my yoghurt so I eat it without knowing. WEDNESDAY Threw a tantrum after dinner that got quite silly. Was swinging on the curtain having a lovely time and not hurting anyone but Daddy said I might hurt the curtain so I grabbed the other curtain and it turns out the same rule applied to that one, which I think perhaps he