1.You’re surrounded by the smell of shit and baby wipes. Whether you’re front left at the Pyramid Stage or stood in your kitchen, you’ll be inhaling this aroma the whole time. It’s omnipotent. 2.You’re lucky if you get two hours sleep a night. It could be your baby screaming the house down or the early morning sun turning your tent into a sweat-den after a late night at Shangri-La, but sleep isn’t happening either way. 3.You inadvertently sing along to some truly terrible music. From Peppa Pig to Chas and Dave, Tellytubbies to Kanye West – it’s all crap. But you will be humming it. Just because it’s catchy doesn’t mean it’s good. Ebola is catchy. 4.You can say goodbye to nice relaxing toilet breaks. Whether it’s queueing to squat over a rancid portaloo or doing a poo in installments because you thought you heard your baby crying, neither are attractive options. 5.You’re only ever five minutes away from being kneedeep in sludge. Maybe it’s a torrential downf