1.Post-kids, 20 mins on the sofa with a brew is the equivalent of a five-star fortnight in Barbados. 2.Exhaustion becomes as much as part of your life as eyebrows. 3.Apparently the optimum time to fill your nappy is the exact second you're about to fall asleep. 4.It's easier to shampoo a wolf than dress a wriggling baby. 5.Some baby farts could dry towels. Unbelievable. 6.Car seats are more expensive than cars. 7.A 10 month old doing a full-on Wacko Jacko 'heeh-heeh' is both hilarious and troubling. 8.Baby necks are cheesier than a Bon Jovi ballad. 9.You could comatose a diplodocus with a whiff from a three day old soiled muslin cloth. 10.The sound of your baby laughing makes your heart sing like nothing else can. I'm a stand up comic and dad of twins. Click here to follow my blog on Facebook.