Skip to main content

The Secret Diary of a 10 Month Old (Part 16)

MONDAY
Bit my finger at lunch. Fuck me, it hurt. Did it again straight after. Same finger. Was more embarrassed than anything but decided to cry as wanted a cuddle.

TUESDAY
Pissed in my own face today. Don't even know how. It was dead warm and the big people totally freaked out. I didn't even mind. It was quite refreshing.

WEDNESDAY
Didn't sleep at all tonight. Made noises instead. Great times.

THURSDAY
Need to sort my life out. Tried to grab the poo from my nappy today. What is wrong with me?

FRIDAY
Spent every nappy change trying to roll onto my side and front. I'm a team player. You've got to help the big people out where you can.

SATURDAY
Laughed more than ever playing Peekaboo. What a game. Reckon that could go global.

SUNDAY
Decided to throw my head to the side as I was carried through a doorway. Hit my head on the frame. Cried for ages. Some of my life choices are really poor.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Comments

Mario Clark said…
A case study task is a significant examination of a specific tight subject that requires profound examination, and students are encouraged to finish adequate case study to add to their basic intuition aptitudes and creativity. In addition, the paper requires genuine fixation on the issue, legitimate accumulation of certainties and proof and target examination of the advantages and disadvantages of the case. Understudies should examine elements that cause the issue and assess outcomes equitably. Clearly, this is difficult and all the time understudies should apply for reliable assistance from case study essay writing service that spend significant time in expert writing services.
Anonymous said…
Age mediocre quite satisfactory design full of personality in the trend now appears to have been bloated, and those styles anterior impart bold will just seize the opportunity to stand out instantly transformed into a people sought after fashion tide things.Celine can not be said of most first-line luxury brands replica handbags, but also because of this, Celine can be more daring play their own unique style and benefits, with the top luxury leather crafts support, they can better express former fashion design style bits, another of its most distinctive luxury.Many boys and girls are not very familiar with this brand Celine bag, but gradually in the leather in the domestic market or on the streets, have found that Celine will fire the momentum, the limelight even higher than replica handbags uk, attractive prada bags. Celine bags in Europe and America is a very popular luxury brands of Paris, from Celine's logo, as well as classic style can be found, Celine is a very unique, very personalized design brand. Want to stand out is not easy, plug in a ratio of wings on the line, celine handbags almost each one is full of creativity, bat chanel replica many fashionistas and star selection, creative ingenuity, their unique style smiling face on the package, but that wings to look more Niagara wind, shape seems like a bat and bat T-shirt Korean version of the influx of women were given the same is not the same charm.

Popular posts from this blog

The Time I Screamed at my Kids

Before my kids arrived I swore I’d never shout at them. But choosing how to approach parenthood before your kids are born is like a caterpillar deciding what kind of butterfly they’re gonna be while they’re still building the cocoon. ‘I’ll still do loads of charity work, of course. And I’ll be REALLY nice to moths too, even though they’ll probably hate me because I’ll be so bloody gorgeous.’ Theory and reality are like sugar and shit. I’ve raised my voice to my kids more times than I can count. Often just to shout ‘STOP SHOUTING!’ which I’m aware doesn’t set a great example. ‘You should NEVER shout at your kids.’ And that’s fine. In theory. Because everything’s fine in theory. The Slimfast diet is a piece of piss until day two when you’ve had three hours sleep and someone offers you a Wagon Wheel. Of course, I never WANT to shout at them. I love them more than words can describe. But those you love are also the ones blessed with the innate ability to boil your piss q

The Time I Smeared Shit on the Duvet

My wife and I developed our parenting systems through trial and error. One of the earliest rules we’d introduced was that if it was after 5am and one of the babies became unsettled, we wouldn’t waste our time trying to get them back down in their cot - we’d just bring them in with us. After a nice cuddle in our bed, they’d normally settle back down, barring the occasional impromptu fanny gouge or affable bollock kick. (Babies are the most violent sleepers on the planet, easily capable of committing GBH in the middle of reaching for their dummy.) Our twins were six months old. I was fast asleep. At least, the deepest sleep you can get once your kids arrive. My pre-kids sleep used to be the nocturnal equivalent of deep sea diving. Nowadays I’m lucky if I can submerge my toes in a puddle. Early on, my sleep was lighter than a Ryvita biscuit who’d been having it off with a helium canister they’d met on Tinder. Everything woke me up. Some nights I’d just lie there, bewi

We Have a Winner!

Ladies and gentlemen - some news! One recipient of my newsletter is now the 'lucky' (ahem) winner of an exclusive gig from me IN THEIR HOUSE! And that person is... Lyn Morter!  Well done, Lyn! (Btw, if anyone from  Ofcom  is reading, you can check the legitimacy of this result via the  Facebook Live video  I did last week.) When I informed Lyn that she'd won she simply said, 'I've never heard of you' and 'How did you get my phone number?' so I'm sure that will be a great gig for everyone. (Only joking. She was thrilled.) Thanks to all of you for entering. But what now, Sam?  I hear you screaming at your smartphones. Well, I'll be taking things a wee bit easier through August, spending some much needed time with my family after all the touring. But just like that former Governor of California of Austrian descent, I'LL BE BACK (sorry) in September with more blogs, videos and general waffle.  I'm also heading b