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Showing posts from August, 2015

#42: The 15 Types of Baby Puke

I’ve been in loads of pukey situations in my life – lads holidays, rugby tours, choppy boat trips. I even once watched a Celine Dion DVD. But I have never experienced a variety of puking as diverse as since my twins were born. 1.The Seagull They’ve only just fed but you can’t resist holding them aloft like Superman. It’s so cute! Until on the third swoop they vomit like a drain all over your face. You’re an idiot and you deserve every drop. 2.The Snail Trail Moves down your back slower than a Child Benefit back-payment, leaving a nasty stream behind it. Normally starts on your shoulder and can end anywhere as low as your calf or ankle. 3.The Low Blow Puke all over your crotch. Easily the worst place to have a visible stain so you can guarantee this will only happen in Starbucks. 4.The Fangs Two dribbles, one each side of the mouth. You feed them. You look away. You look back and they’ve turned into baby Dracula. 5.The Beppe Similar to The Fangs but with a

#40: 10 Things I've Learned (as a parent of 4 months)

1. Leaving the house on time is harder than Chinese algebra. 2. A hot cup of coffee is something I used to drink. 3. An ‘epic’ lie-in as a dad means getting up at 8.30am. 4. The Gruffalo’s Child is the best sequel since The Godfather Part II. 5. ‘Has this got poo on it?’ is now the most popular question in our house. 6. Changing rancid nappies is a great way to stop biting your nails. 7. Your childless male friends don’t want to hear in depth stories about your son’s first smile. 8. It’s possible to be so tired that you feel sick. 9. Eating half a pack of biscuits for breakfast every day for a month makes you fat. 10. Having another parent tell you their babies ‘sleep right through’ does not enhance your day. Click here to follow this blog on  Facebook  where I also post my memes and other blatherings about parenthood. Or share using the buttons below.