1.Trying to explain how tired you are to someone without kids is like trying to explain the offside rule to a Jack Russell.
2.It's hard to 'enjoy every moment' of parenthood when you feel like a malnourished zombie who'd do time for a lie in.
3.If you eavesdrop on a baby twin babble conversation on 2 hours sleep you'll be convinced they're plotting to overthrow you.
4.The day before the bin men arrive is like Christmas Eve in our house. That's not right.
5.The look of joy on a babies face as you hand them a toy they just put down 5 seconds ago is like they've seen a card trick. Magic.
6.There's only so many things you can add to Old Macdonald's Farm before it starts to sound like a bad acid trip.
7.Changing a messy nappy in front of an audience is more stressful than a camping trip with the in-laws.
8.I'd rather have my prostate examined by E.T. than sing 'Wheels on the Bus' again.
9.But the music to The Furchester Hotel is ace, I don't care what you say.
10.Once babies learn how to grab every cuddle is like being mugged by a dribbling dwarf.