1.Which knobhead decided "taking candy from a baby" was easy? I tried to retrieve my own biscuit from a 2 year old and got a thick lip.
2.I view older kids in the wrong section of soft play centres on a par with war criminals.
3.I reckon when Shane from Westlife sings 'Wheels on the Bus' to his kids he stands up and changes key halfway through.
4.Forget baby wipes, some nappy changes need a Priest.
5.If you sing 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' to a screaming toddler, in just the right key, it has absolutely zero effect.
6.You know you're a modern parent when your kids falls over and you upload a pic to Instagram before picking them
7.I save the undies 'least likely to show the top of my arsecrack' for days at the play centre.
8.You can be so exhausted that you apologise to the dishwasher when you accidentally open it before it's finished.
9.If you spend shitloads of money taking your kids to an expensive zoo, their favourite animal will be a frigging duck.
10.There are two types of parents at the park:
- Those who push the roundabout
I post my parent blog to my FB page a few times a week...I'm a stand up comic and dad to toddler twins...I'm also on Instagram