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The Secret Diary of a 14 Month Old (Part 21)

MONDAY
Sometimes it feels like nobody understands me. IF I THROW SOMETHING ON THE FLOOR IT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T WANT IT. I’m expressing myself.

TUESDAY
Had a raspberry conversation with my own arse this evening. Really enjoyed it. We chatted about all sorts. Tried to start it up again later but things got a bit heated and I accidentally shat myself.

WEDNESDAY
Spent all morning trying to put my fingers in the plug socket. Surprise, surprise, the bloody big people wouldn’t let me. Spoilsports. Decided to scream and head butt the wall. Hurt like fuck. Cried more. Big person picked me up and moved me away. I went straight back to the sockets. They moved me away again. This is not over.

THURSDAY
Saw my reflection whilst having a poo today. Christ almighty. Have I been pulling that face the whole time? I look like the big people when they stand on Lego.

FRIDAY
Really wanted to go to nursery with no clothes on today. Why is this never an option? I reckon most other people would prefer it too. Might try and start a movement.

SATURDAY
People have got to stop tickling me when I’m fuming. It doesn’t help the situation and it makes you look like a bad tit. Stop it.

SUNDAY
I think I’m done with food now. It just seems like a lot of hassle and screaming to me. And chewing is a total drag unless it’s a toy. Or hummus. That stuff is heaven.

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