MONDAY
Nappy leaked today. Went everywhere. Decided to kick what
was left all over the wall. Big people were grossed out but come on, we’ve all
done it. What’s their problem?
TUESDAY
That music on the baby monitor is proper shit. There’s no
beat. Give me something I can move to.
WEDNESDAY
Faffed about forever before naptime. Threw stuff about and
puked a bit. Finally got settled but then did a poo bigger than my head. Nap
got postponed. Nobody was happy. What else could I have done?
THURSDAY
Woke up crying because I’d leaked. Big person tried to burp
me. Didn’t work because I’d leaked. Big person put the pretty lights on. Didn’t
work because I’d leaked. Big person sang lullabies. Didn’t work because I’d
leaked. Leak reached their hand. Big person changed me. Went back to sleep. Big
person is stupid.
FRIDAY
I’m feeling quite obsessed with one of the big people. Hate
it when she leaves the room. Not the hairy one though. I don’t think he knows
what he’s doing.
SATURDAY
Had a bad dream last night that I was an actual big person.
Christ, it was horrible. Had loads to do and no time to do it. And I looked
terrible.
SUNDAY
I think someone has been reading my diary and showing
everyone. No doubt some two-bit clown desperate for a cheap laugh at my
expense. Well guess what, thief? I just pooed in your coat pocket.
Comments