Skip to main content

The Secret Diary of a 9 Month Old (Part 15)

MONDAY
Discovered a great new game today called 'Keep Throwing Everything On The Floor Repeatedly For Ages'. (Needs a snappier title but you get the drift.) Big people joined in too. They kept picking everything up so I could keep playing.

TUESDAY
Got porridge all over my face at breakfast. Felt great. Looked like a beard. Big people wiped it off. I cried. Can't wait to grow a beard.

WEDNESDAY
Got into a pickle today - tried to roll and it went tits up. Got trapped on my side between a toy and a load of sick for about three seconds. Was scared but didn't cry. I'm quite brave sometimes.

THURSDAY
Was in my cot last night and could hear the big people messing with my toys. They swear and shout a lot more when they play than I do.

FRIDAY
Blew a raspberry that lasted a full ten minutes. So much dribble. Felt lightheaded and couldn't see straight at one point. What a rush.

SATURDAY
Some woman at the shops thought I was only 3 months old. Big people got annoyed. I took it as a compliment.

SUNDAY
Went to playgroup today. Some of the kids are doing mad flips and rolls. Some of them just lie there and dribble. Doesn't really matter though. As long as we're happy.

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. Click here to follow my blog on Facebook.
Labels:

Comments

Anonymous said…
NIKE released in 1987 Air Max shoes, marks the beginning of visible technology. Since then, each generation of Air Max shoes on the basis of the previous improvements, providing a stronger cushioning, but also highlights the growing ability to innovate. This revolution through the launch of the Air Max 360 reached the perfect, this is the first pair of cheap nike running shoes without the end of the bubble. Is also based on this new Air Max unit, NIKE shoes designer Andrew Caine had inspired to create a revolutionary Air Max180 running shoes. Air Max cushioning technology is about to enter the 30th anniversary of the threshold, and Nike Running's classic flagship running shoes also ushered in the new generation appearance. The cheap nike air max 2017 is still familiar to the family modeling appearance, the body of shoes with body Swoosh again return to the upper, bringing the familiar classic look. PUMA MOBIUM ELITE is a foot can be moved with the expansion of sports shoes. Its design originates from bionics, and the division of nature. Beautiful cheap Puma Suede Classic for the feet of the physical movement characteristics of the product for up to two years of design and development, the innovative technology allows the foot to stretch along the horizontal, vertical and vertical three dimensions, which can coordinate with the overall movement, and make Arch to the ground more natural, more efficient.
15 November 2016 at 03:54
hoxn123 said…
A Watches Replica has a big year, a series of actions on the intelligent and self-produced watch movement, Replica Rolex Watches the Galaxy series of very useful feature when the two self-produced movement with Designer handbags B35 become this year’s main push brand watches, and interactive B55 Chronograph watch traditional UK Replica watches and smartphones are combined to achieve the functions and operations to enhance the experience, which should be a part of the “future” of handbag replica .
2 December 2016 at 09:39
Liêu Á Phàm said…
Thương hiệu nước hoa Versace có hơn 138 cửa hàng cap cấp trên toàn thế giới với thị trường trung tâm là Châu Âu và Châu Á. Riêng thị trường Trung Quốc Đại Lục đã bao gồm cả Hồng Kông và Đài Loan đã chiếm gần 31 cửa hàng trong số đó.
Những sản phẩm Crocs đầu tiền hướng đến trẻ em vì vậy những đôi giày Crocs có nhiều màu sắc với đủ hình dáng ngộ nghĩnh. Với sự tiện dụng, Crocs được làm bằng nhựa đặc biệt nhẹ, chống trượt, thoáng mát và khủ mùi mạnh mẻ, không bị ảnh hưởng bởi nước, đã làm cho giới trẻ ngày càng ưa thích những sản phẩm đến từ Crocs.
Tất cả những chiếc đồng hồ Rado được tạo ra từ việc tổng hợp của công nghệ, thiết kế và thực tiễn. Đặc biết thành công là chiếc đồng hồ Rado Dia star được giới thiệu năm 1962 đã tạo ấn tượng đầu tiên cho người dùng thế giới về sự kết hợp trên.
Những con số được làm cách điệu to nhỏ không đồng đều là điểm nổi bật trong thiết kế của đồng hồ Curren. Mặt kính đồng hồ được làm theo kiểu nhám, hơi sần nên lúc nhìn vào đồng hồ tạo cảm giác thủ vị. Các kim phút và giờ có chất dạ quang ở giữa kim giúp người dùng có thể xem giờ bào buổi tối.
Những chiếc đồng hồ Skagen chính hãng sẽ có sự cuốn hút với vẻ sang trong mà không một điểm dư thừa. Và đặc biệt nhất là chiếc đồng hồ Skagen có thiết hế siêu mỏng để bạn có thể dễ dàng kết hợp với các loại giày tây, vest,…
Đến năm 1995, điện thoại Huawei muốn mình phát triển hơn để vươn xa về sản xuất thiết bị di động. Vào thời điểm này mảng điện thoại di động còn rất mới mẻ với người sử dụng nên tiềm năng của chúng vẫn còn là một ẩn số thế nhưng Huawei vẫn quyết định mạo hiểm và sau những cố gắng, bất chấp họ đã vươn lên trở thành một trong nhữ công ty hàng đầu về công nghệ không dây 4G.

28 March 2017 at 10:23
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#29)

1.I cannot believe I EVER complained about being tired pre-kids. 2.That moment when you think there's something seriously wrong with your baby but quickly realise they're just having a massive shite. Ridiculous. 3.The key to cleaning Weetabix off the floor is not to leave it for 10 days. 4.I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact my next lie in will be in 2026. 5.I can recite all the words to The Furchester Hotel yet struggle remembering my own PIN number. 6.They should make talking baby toys swear. Just once or twice a year to keep us interested. 7.I could pick out the noise of a dummy hitting the floor in the middle of an earthquake. 8.Putting shoes on a baby will make you twice as late. 9.I could shave a chimp with ADHD quicker than I can dress my son. 10.Only if they ever make me a grandad will my boys truly understand how much I love them. I'm a finalist in the MAD Blog Awards 2016 and you can vote for me in both '
2 comments
Read more

The Time I Screamed at my Kids

Before my kids arrived I swore I’d never shout at them. But choosing how to approach parenthood before your kids are born is like a caterpillar deciding what kind of butterfly they’re gonna be while they’re still building the cocoon. ‘I’ll still do loads of charity work, of course. And I’ll be REALLY nice to moths too, even though they’ll probably hate me because I’ll be so bloody gorgeous.’ Theory and reality are like sugar and shit. I’ve raised my voice to my kids more times than I can count. Often just to shout ‘STOP SHOUTING!’ which I’m aware doesn’t set a great example. ‘You should NEVER shout at your kids.’ And that’s fine. In theory. Because everything’s fine in theory. The Slimfast diet is a piece of piss until day two when you’ve had three hours sleep and someone offers you a Wagon Wheel. Of course, I never WANT to shout at them. I love them more than words can describe. But those you love are also the ones blessed with the innate ability to boil your piss q
Post a Comment
Read more

We Have a Winner!

Ladies and gentlemen - some news! One recipient of my newsletter is now the 'lucky' (ahem) winner of an exclusive gig from me IN THEIR HOUSE! And that person is... Lyn Morter!  Well done, Lyn! (Btw, if anyone from  Ofcom  is reading, you can check the legitimacy of this result via the  Facebook Live video  I did last week.) When I informed Lyn that she'd won she simply said, 'I've never heard of you' and 'How did you get my phone number?' so I'm sure that will be a great gig for everyone. (Only joking. She was thrilled.) Thanks to all of you for entering. But what now, Sam?  I hear you screaming at your smartphones. Well, I'll be taking things a wee bit easier through August, spending some much needed time with my family after all the touring. But just like that former Governor of California of Austrian descent, I'LL BE BACK (sorry) in September with more blogs, videos and general waffle.  I'm also heading b
Post a Comment
Read more