Parenting books don’t prepare you for real life so I’ve
designed a game for parents-to-be:
LEVEL 1
Your baby is teething and refusing to nap. You’re hungover
and there’s no coffee in the house. To complete this level you must make it
through to midday without sobbing.
LEVEL 2
On the back of two hours broken sleep you discover that your
baby has the shits. To move to the next level you must reach teatime without
hitting the gin.
LEVEL 3
Your baby has puked so much you’re forced to change your own
clothes three times in the space of an hour. You have nothing clean so must
squeeze into jeans that don’t fit anymore and throw a jumper on that’s covered
in more unidentified stains than a tramp’s undercrackers. As you walk through
the hall you catch the reflection of a demented crack addict in the mirror.
Your goal is to leave the house with your self-esteem intact.
LEVEL 4
You’re on the brink of physical and mental exhaustion. To
complete the level you must mingle with the general public and attempt to
construct viable sentences without sounding like you’ve lost your mind and
developed your own dialect.
LEVEL 5
Congratulations, you now have twins! Your goal is to leave
the house on time.
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