Parenting books don’t prepare you for real life so I’ve designed a game for parents-to-be:
Your baby is teething and refusing to nap. You’re hungover and there’s no coffee in the house. To complete this level you must make it through to midday without sobbing.
On the back of two hours broken sleep you discover that your baby has the shits. To move to the next level you must reach teatime without hitting the gin.
Your baby has puked so much you’re forced to change your own clothes three times in the space of an hour. You have nothing clean so must squeeze into jeans that don’t fit anymore and throw a jumper on that’s covered in more unidentified stains than a tramp’s undercrackers. As you walk through the hall you catch the reflection of a demented crack addict in the mirror. Your goal is to leave the house with your self-esteem intact.
You’re on the brink of physical and mental exhaustion. To complete the level you must mingle with the general public and attempt to construct viable sentences without sounding like you’ve lost your mind and developed your own dialect.
Congratulations, you now have twins! Your goal is to leave the house on time.