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10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week #3

(Read #2 here)

1.I'd rather do my tax return on a roller coaster than look after twins with a hangover.

2.‘The Wheels on the Bus’ is a truly terrible song. They probably use it in Guantanamo Bay.

3.No matter how long you wait, the bathroom doesn't start to self-clean itself like white people with dreadlocks tell you their hair does.

4.A baby's neck-folds is a legitimate place to check for lost property.

5.My comment two weeks ago about being a fan of solid food poos was hopelessly premature. They are rank.

6.A 6 month old can kick you hard enough in the knackers to doubt you’ll ever give them more siblings.

7.Whoever designed babies is a dick. "I know! When they need to sleep really badly I'll programme them to get incredibly angry so that sleep is impossible!”

8.The 'Calpol Spritzer' that the wife joked about sounds pretty tempting.

9.I love my kids more than anything in the world.

10. I’d love them a little bit more if they'd stop shitting in the bath.

(Read #4 here)

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. You can click here to follow me on Facebook where I post all my blogs, memes and other blatherings about parenthood. (Or go to the top right of this page) 
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