The 5 Stages of Owning Noisy Toys

1. EXCITEMENT

Wow! A new toy. How cool! And it sings three different songs too. That's a relief as I was slightly tired of the other ones but this one seems different. Much less annoying.

We'll have endless fun with this one, kids. That's for sure!

2. YOU LEARN THE WORDS

Look, everyone!

*presses button, sings along, feeling great*

This is better than karaoke. Hit that button again! Whooo!

3. YOU SING THE WORDS AT ALL TIMES

Bloody hell, that song is a real earworm isn’t it? Catchier than Ebola. Can't stop singing it.

Losing my mind a bit actually. Like those Tetris dreams I used to have.

4. IT ENTERS YOUR SOUL

Oh, that SHITTING SONG. I can't think straight. I swear I heard it in my sleep last night.

This is hell on earth. In fact it's worse because I can't even hear myself scream - all I can hear is that frigging song.

5. LOSS OF RATIONAL THOUGHT

I'd do time for that fucking thing. As soon as everyone's asleep I'm taking a lump hammer to the bastard.

Or maybe throw it in the bath, drown the repetitive prick. That'll be quieter.

Although the whole street will be awake when they hear me celebrating the demise of that mind-numbing, monotonous motherfucker.

DO YOU HEAR ME, BEATBO?

I'M COMING FOR YOU.

Get my book 'Confessions of a Learner Parent' on hardback, e-book and audio by clicking here.

Comments

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Sam Avery

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