1.Told my childless friend I'd had an 'amazing lie in till 7.30am' and he pissed himself laughing. I was deadly serious.
2.In the 18 months since my boys were born I've aged 7 and a half years.
3.Peppa Pig is an obnoxious bitch.
4.Toddlers have bigger ownership issues than BHS.
5.When your child laughs, the world makes sense. (Unless you've just told them off when you'll continue to doubt your abilities as a parent...)