1.The moment your toddler learns how to remove their nappy is scarier than Skynet becoming self-aware.
2.Nap time is the absolute tits.
3.I'm pretty sure there's only three different episodes of In The Night Garden. It's the Status Quo of kids TV.
4.And if you *slightly* mispronounce a character name from that show there's a good chance you'll unwittingly use a racial slur.
5."Who’s your favourite twin?"
"The one that isn’t crying."
6.Never mind forgetting what you've come into a room for, some days I forget which room I'm going to on the way there.
7.Wine is the answer. (I just don't know what the question is.)
8.My son can fire nuggets from his arse further than I can throw a frisbee.
9.I still haven't cleaned the inside of the bin. To be honest, I'm so used to the smell now I think I'd miss it.
10.If you criticise when older parents say 'we never had parent and child spaces and we were okay' loads of older parents will reply with 'we never had parent and child spaces and we were okay'. Ha!
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