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10 Things I Learned as a Parent This Week (#44)


1.It's impossible to tidy the house. You can move things around and put them in different rooms but the house will remain a shit hole.

2.If The Magic Roundabout was influenced by LSD then In The Night Garden was inspired by an angry crack comedown.

3.Sleep deprivation renders previously simple decisions as confusing as Welsh hip-hop.

4.My boys scream when I enter the room and cry when I leave. This must be how Justin Bieber feels all the time.

5.I've had more piss on me this week than a urinal cube.

6.Trying to feed a toddler who's refusing all food is stressful enough to bring you out in hives.

7.I'm sure one of my boys first words was 'dick' and it was aimed at me.

8.If I didn't go out and work now and again I'd never have a poo in peace.

9.Dummies vanish like budget airline luggage.

10.I realised today I haven't used a muslin cloth in ages. This makes me sad.

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