Skip to main content

5 Things I Learned as a Parent This Week (#34)

1.Once you've got kids a 'lie in' till 7.20am will be talked about for weeks without any trace of irony.

2.Instead of spending money on expensive risk assessment procedures, companies should just put a crawling baby into the building as they would instantly find all the danger areas.

3.I'm no doctor but I'm convinced the human body requires more than 40 minutes sleep.

4.Failure to leave the house at least once a day will result in feeling as though your baby has taken you hostage.

5.Getting your baby to nap successfully sometimes makes you feel like a wizard.

You can download my new podcast '5 Things I Learned' for FREE on iTunes! Guest this week is comedian and actor, Steve Royle. Click here.

Comments

Anonymous said…
The hublot replica begins with a new movement that is the in-house-made Omega caliber 9904 movement. Building on the caliber replica watches uk series the 9904 adds more than just a moonphase complication and a different way to indicate the date. Of course, the movement is also a rolex replica. On top of that, the METAS certification (more on that here) requires a lot of durability and performance out of not just the movements but the movements cased up in the complete watch, so the replica watches are much higher than something like COSC Chronometer certification alone.
Unknown said…
The brand’s woes hit some of the familiar notes: People are shopping less in stores. People are especially cheap michael kors shopping less at malls. Payless, however, is at a particular disadvantage because while its shoes are cheap, they aren’t necessarily the kind of products shoppers want。Payless is aware of the mall problem. It was already in the process michael kors outlet uk of getting out of the mall before this recent news, announcing in September it was set to close up to 500 smaller mall-based locations in favor of new “Super Stores,” with larger michael kors replica handbags locations and a wider assortment of products available.
replica watches said…
given the brand's production limit of Omega replica roughly 300 watches per year, there are only so many replica Omega timepieces they have the bandwidth to produce. A Final Edition is a final set of watches produced by MB&F when they swiss replica watches are totally ceasing production of a particular model

Popular posts from this blog

The Time I Screamed at my Kids

Before my kids arrived I swore I’d never shout at them. But choosing how to approach parenthood before your kids are born is like a caterpillar deciding what kind of butterfly they’re gonna be while they’re still building the cocoon. ‘I’ll still do loads of charity work, of course. And I’ll be REALLY nice to moths too, even though they’ll probably hate me because I’ll be so bloody gorgeous.’ Theory and reality are like sugar and shit. I’ve raised my voice to my kids more times than I can count. Often just to shout ‘STOP SHOUTING!’ which I’m aware doesn’t set a great example. ‘You should NEVER shout at your kids.’ And that’s fine. In theory. Because everything’s fine in theory. The Slimfast diet is a piece of piss until day two when you’ve had three hours sleep and someone offers you a Wagon Wheel. Of course, I never WANT to shout at them. I love them more than words can describe. But those you love are also the ones blessed with the innate ability to boil your piss q

The Time I Smeared Shit on the Duvet

My wife and I developed our parenting systems through trial and error. One of the earliest rules we’d introduced was that if it was after 5am and one of the babies became unsettled, we wouldn’t waste our time trying to get them back down in their cot - we’d just bring them in with us. After a nice cuddle in our bed, they’d normally settle back down, barring the occasional impromptu fanny gouge or affable bollock kick. (Babies are the most violent sleepers on the planet, easily capable of committing GBH in the middle of reaching for their dummy.) Our twins were six months old. I was fast asleep. At least, the deepest sleep you can get once your kids arrive. My pre-kids sleep used to be the nocturnal equivalent of deep sea diving. Nowadays I’m lucky if I can submerge my toes in a puddle. Early on, my sleep was lighter than a Ryvita biscuit who’d been having it off with a helium canister they’d met on Tinder. Everything woke me up. Some nights I’d just lie there, bewi

We Have a Winner!

Ladies and gentlemen - some news! One recipient of my newsletter is now the 'lucky' (ahem) winner of an exclusive gig from me IN THEIR HOUSE! And that person is... Lyn Morter!  Well done, Lyn! (Btw, if anyone from  Ofcom  is reading, you can check the legitimacy of this result via the  Facebook Live video  I did last week.) When I informed Lyn that she'd won she simply said, 'I've never heard of you' and 'How did you get my phone number?' so I'm sure that will be a great gig for everyone. (Only joking. She was thrilled.) Thanks to all of you for entering. But what now, Sam?  I hear you screaming at your smartphones. Well, I'll be taking things a wee bit easier through August, spending some much needed time with my family after all the touring. But just like that former Governor of California of Austrian descent, I'LL BE BACK (sorry) in September with more blogs, videos and general waffle.  I'm also heading b