Skip to main content

10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week #26

1.If your house was clean *all* the time you wouldn't appreciate that half day every 6 weeks when it actually is.

2.The fury I feel towards Postman Pat genuinely wakes me up every morning.

3.Retrieving a dummy from a sleeping child is like trying to diffuse a bomb that can shit itself.

4.45 mins 'late' with twins isn't technically late.

5.I now time my morning routine by CBeebies theme tunes. If I'm not running the shower by the time Octonauts is starting, I'm fucked.

6.When a nappy leaks there are no winners.

7.The noises from a toy who's batteries are dying will put the living shits up you.

8.Farms don't smell as bad as they used to.

9.Phase 2 of parenthood is when an episode of a kids show comes on and you think, "Ah fuckin hell, I've seen this one."

10.I'll never get tired of seeing my sons faces light up when I get home from work. Pure magic.

I'm in the running for a few awards at the MAD Blog Awards 2016 and I'd be over the moon if you'd vote for me! Click here for details, I promise it won't take you long!

Comments

marta said…
A standout amongst the most vital things that you ought to learn as a parent is the way to comprehend your youngster. You have to realize that your kid has an interesting identity that will stay for whatever remains of his or her life. By watching your tyke as they play, eat or even rest you can get a comprehension of your tyke and the creating identity.
Unknown said…
Rolex in the European table branch is one of rolex replica the few companies accept produced a lot of of the movement. In accession to some timing movements, (since the 4130 movement, the Rolex all The bulk are fabricated - dubbed who note) of their own authoritative movement, watchcase, watchband and azure table mirror all. They accept all the administration stores, and uk replica watches they accept no His shareholders (Rolex is captivated by two families and has a acceptability as a accommodating donor). As they do so, they can advance their abiding planning afterwards fear.Do not accept to doubtable that they are the bigger table in Switzerland: the anniversary assembly of rolex replica about 800 thousand tables, they are still affairs their own assembly of anniversary table, they await on the multivariate Market Indeed, it can be said: This is their ability table in the apple (sorry).

Popular posts from this blog

The Secret Diary of a 23 Month Old (Part 36)

MONDAY It really boils my piss when the Big People laugh at my tantrums. I know to them it probably appears that I’m just losing my shit at every possible opportunity but they must understand, different things matter to me. I’m not an adult. I don’t have a career or a mortgage. My teeth are killing and my only proper friends are my relatives so when you sing the wrong verse to Old McDonald it totally feels like the end of the world to me. TUESDAY Watched a brilliant video on Mummy’s phone of some kids dancing into their Daddy’s room when he was having a meeting. If my Daddy ever has a conversation anywhere near that important I’m definitely going to do the same. Those kids are an inspiration. WEDNESDAY Went to the park but they wouldn’t let me off those stupid reins. Kept telling me it was just my special ‘Big Boy Bag’ I had to wear. What kind of bag has a big fuck-off lead attached to it? I’m not stupid you know. And anyway, I only wanted to run down the hill and across...

#30: The 12 Different Types of Nappy

Opening your baby’s nappy is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get and you’ll probably end up with sticky fingers. My twin boys are 10 weeks old and these are the 12 types of nappy I’ve encountered so far. (If you’re eating your dinner I recommend reading this a bit later on.) 1.The Leak (AKA The Pooseidon Adventure ) It’s everywhere except in the nappy itself. Worse still, it’s leaving a trail. If Hansel and Gretel had a leaking baby with them the story would’ve ended happily. This type makes me actually doubt gravity. How can something that goes down end up on their shoulder? If it wasn't so gross you'd stand up and applaud. Unfortunately you can’t even enjoy the irony of removing a sleepsuit with bum juice up the back and ‘Too Cute’ across the front. (There are many causes of The Leak , one of which I covered in it’s full gory detail here. ) 2.The Tardis (AKA The Turdis , The Doctor Poo ) This is when the amount of was...

Before You Park in the Parent & Child Space, Read This

Twice in my regular Sunday night blog I’ve written about parent and child spaces being used by people on their own.  These are the comments I made: 1.People caught parking in the parent and child spaces without kids should be forced to do their weekly shop with teething triplets who haven’t napped. 2.When politely informing a motorist that the parent and child spaces are for parents with children, they often turn out to be a weapons-grade c**t. Both have been met with support and criticism. Those with gripes can be separated into two camps: A. People With No Kids Fair enough. You don’t understand what an absolute pain in the shitpipe it is to try and get a pair of wriggling, screaming, unaccommodating toddlers out of a car into a space more narrow than a hamster’s skinny jeans. (N.B. It’s the extra space we crave, not the proximity to the shop.) You also won’t understand how severe sleep deprivation renders previously simple decisions as confusing...