1.If your house was clean *all* the time you wouldn't appreciate that half day every 6 weeks when it actually is.
2.The fury I feel towards Postman Pat genuinely wakes me up every morning.
3.Retrieving a dummy from a sleeping child is like trying to diffuse a bomb that can shit itself.
4.45 mins 'late' with twins isn't technically late.
5.I now time my morning routine by CBeebies theme tunes. If I'm not running the shower by the time Octonauts is starting, I'm fucked.
6.When a nappy leaks there are no winners.
7.The noises from a toy who's batteries are dying will put the living shits up you.
8.Farms don't smell as bad as they used to.
9.Phase 2 of parenthood is when an episode of a kids show comes on and you think, "Ah fuckin hell, I've seen this one."
10.I'll never get tired of seeing my sons faces light up when I get home from work. Pure magic.
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