1.People who say you should 'enjoy every single moment of
parenthood' are at best, unrealistic and at worst, morons.
2.There's more chance of seeing a Dodo than the bottom of
your laundry basket.
3.Nap time is fucking brilliant.
4.Dried up weetabix on the kitchen floor is like frigging
Tarmac.
5.Constantly using a happy voice with your kids helps keep
your head through the sheer insanity of it all.
6.Whoever came up with the idea of a beauty facial was
definitely feeding porridge to a baby at the time.
7.Babies can be more fussy about their food than Mary
Berry.
8.Visiting a 'Nearly New' sale is a great opportunity to
get rid of all the old, unwanted baby stuff and replace it with an equal amount
of shite.
9.The following conversation is pure fiction:
"Shall I put a wash on?"
"Nah."
10.Your baby's first wave will make you weep.*
*Especially if it occurs on the day you had to give his
beloved Jumperoo away. Was he waving it goodbye?
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