1.People who say you should 'enjoy every single moment of parenthood' are at best, unrealistic and at worst, morons.
2.There's more chance of seeing a Dodo than the bottom of your laundry basket.
3.Nap time is fucking brilliant.
4.Dried up weetabix on the kitchen floor is like frigging Tarmac.
5.Constantly using a happy voice with your kids helps keep your head through the sheer insanity of it all.
6.Whoever came up with the idea of a beauty facial was definitely feeding porridge to a baby at the time.
7.Babies can be more fussy about their food than Mary Berry.
8.Visiting a 'Nearly New' sale is a great opportunity to get rid of all the old, unwanted baby stuff and replace it with an equal amount of shite.
9.The following conversation is pure fiction:
"Shall I put a wash on?"
10.Your baby's first wave will make you weep.*
*Especially if it occurs on the day you had to give his beloved Jumperoo away. Was he waving it goodbye?