10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week #23

1.People who say you should 'enjoy every single moment of parenthood' are at best, unrealistic and at worst, morons.

2.There's more chance of seeing a Dodo than the bottom of your laundry basket.

3.Nap time is fucking brilliant.

4.Dried up weetabix on the kitchen floor is like frigging Tarmac.

5.Constantly using a happy voice with your kids helps keep your head through the sheer insanity of it all.

6.Whoever came up with the idea of a beauty facial was definitely feeding porridge to a baby at the time.

7.Babies can be more fussy about their food than Mary Berry.

8.Visiting a 'Nearly New' sale is a great opportunity to get rid of all the old, unwanted baby stuff and replace it with an equal amount of shite.

9.The following conversation is pure fiction:

"Shall I put a wash on?"

"Nah."

10.Your baby's first wave will make you weep.*

*Especially if it occurs on the day you had to give his beloved Jumperoo away. Was he waving it goodbye?

I'm a stand up comic and dad to 11 month old twin boys. Click here if you'd like to follow my blog on Facebook.

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