The Secret Diary of an 8 Month Old (Part 12)

MONDAY
Coughed so hard today I shat myself. A humdinger too. Big people came into the room asking me what was wrong. Do I really have to spell it out for you? Open your eyes, people.

TUESDAY
Dinner time was a disaster. Big people insisted I eat food on the spoon. I wanted stuff on the floor. They stood firm and I wouldn't compromise. Didn't eat anything but cried lots. They made aeroplane noises. I cried more. They made train noises. I screamed. They pretended to give me food off floor. I noticed it was the same food as on spoon. They gave up. I stopped crying. Went to bed. Woke up because I was hungry. Drank some milk. Went back to sleep.

WEDNESDAY
Got totally tricked today. Was crying and the big people did a silly dance and made me laugh instead. I hate it when they do that.

THURSDAY
Accidentally bit my finger while eating lunch. Cried like hell. It hurt a bit but more than anything it was just really embarrassing.

FRIDAY
Yet more drama at the dinner table. Not my fault this time. I just wanted to play with the knife that was just out of my reach. Big people are so unreasonable.

SATURDAY
Terrible experience today. Not ready to talk about it yet. Too raw.

SUNDAY
Ready to talk now. Basically, yesterday the big people put a coat on me. A coat. Against my will. Sleeves, buttons, the whole nine yards. It was snowing outside but I was happy in my t-shirt. They knew it too. And they still put that coat on me. They're so stubborn sometimes.

I'm a stand up comic and dad to twins. You can follow my blog on Facebook by clicking here.

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Ladies and gentlemen - some news! One recipient of my newsletter is now the 'lucky' (ahem) winner of an exclusive gig from me IN THEIR HOUSE! And that person is... Lyn Morter! Well done, Lyn! (Btw, if anyone from Ofcom is reading, you can check the legitimacy of this result via the Facebook Live video I did last week.) When I informed Lyn that she'd won she simply said, 'I've never heard of you' and 'How did you get my phone number?' so I'm sure that will be a great gig for everyone. (Only joking. She was thrilled.) Thanks to all of you for entering. But what now, Sam? I hear you screaming at your smartphones. Well, I'll be taking things a wee bit easier through August, spending some much needed time with my family after all the touring. But just like that former Governor of California of Austrian descent, I'LL BE BACK (sorry) in September with more blogs, videos and general waffle. I'm also heading b

Sam Avery

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