1.Both twins pulling their plonkers while staring you in
the eye is a terrible way to start Christmas morning.
2.Tesco baby wipes are bollocks. They stick to each other
like a magicians handkerchief.
3.If my son has the same drive and determination in life
that he has to avoid naps then we're looking at a future Prime Minister here.
4.In our house, a puke-free burp is rarer than rocking
horse shite.
5.Eight month old babies aren't appreciative of Xmas
presents. But...
6.They should invent edible wrapping paper for babies.
(Ours didn't give two hoots about the presents but were very keen to chow down
on the paper.)
7.Our new play pen is visible from space.
8.If you accidentally leave a pile of baby sick, soggy
crumpets and rancid wet wipes in a pile for 2 days it will fucking honk.
9.Now the twins have learned how to shake their wrists
there's more jazz hands in our house than a West End show.
10.Your wife can hear you stealing her chocolates on the
baby monitor.
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