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10 Things I've Learned As a Parent This Week #2

(Read #1 here)

1.Running out of baby wipes mid-change is scarier than any of the Saw movies.

2.It’s pointless emptying the nappy bin as it will always be full. Always.

3.Joking to your wife that you really appreciate her ‘doing her 49% share of everything’ is definitely not funny.

4.Nothing can prepare you for the first time they poo in the bath. It’s horrific.

5.Trying to find the right position to soothe a crying baby is like trying to find phone signal at a music festival.

6.Some baby bowel movements are like an exorcism – pain – fear – relief. Followed by unbridled joy.

7.The smell of a bad nappy lingers in your house longer than the last few coffee Quality Streets at Christmas.

8.It’s possible to drink that much coffee you can hear your teeth.

9.Few things are sadder than reaching for a bottle of wine from the rack and remembering that’s now where you store the kitchen roll.

10.Nothing brings you back down to earth quicker after a really good gig than cleaning a pair of rancid arses.

(Read #3 here)

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. You can click here to follow me on Facebook where I post all my blogs, memes and other blatherings about parenthood. (Or go to the top right of this page) 
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16 May 2017 at 02:44
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