Skip to main content

The 5 Stages of Owning a Noisy Toy

1. YOU FEEL EXCITEMENT


Wow! A new toy. How cool! And it sings three different songs too. That's a relief as I was slightly tired of the other ones but this one seems different. Less annoying. 

We'll have endless fun with this, that's for sure!

2. YOU LEARN THE WORDS


Look, kids!

*presses button, sings along, feeling great*

This is better than karaoke. Hit that button again! Whooo!

3. YOU SING THE WORDS AT ALL TIMES


Bloody hell, that song is catchier than Ebola. Real earworm. Can't stop singing it.

Losing my mind a bit. This is worse than the Tetris dreams I used to have.

4. IT ENTERS YOUR SOUL


Oh, that FUCKING SONG. I can't even think straight. I swear I just had a dream with that as the soundtrack. More of a nightmare.

This is hell on earth. In fact it's worse because I can't hear myself scream - all I can hear is that frigging song.

5. LOSS OF RATIONAL THOUGHT


I'd do time for that fucking thing. As soon as everyone's asleep I'm taking a lump hammer to the bastard.

Or maybe throw it in the bath, drown the repetitive prick. That'll be quieter.

Although everyone will wake up when they hear me celebrating the demise of that mind-numbing, monotonous motherfucker.

DO YOU HEAR ME, ELMO?

I'M COMING FOR YOU.

Comments

Desmo said…
"Grab your friends it's time to play.. Bounce bounce the baaaaaaaallllllllllllll"
Did my head in let me tell you

Popular posts from this blog

TOUR ANXIETY DREAMS

Had my first anxiety dream about the tour last night - despite everyone having tickets nobody turned up because there was a national babysitters strike... šŸ˜‚   (I had no pants on either but that’s standard for anxiety dreams isn’t it, guys? Guys?) So please do ensure you book a non-unionised babysitter before getting your tickets here:  bit.ly/LearnerParentTour Tour starts in October and runs through till next March. Can’t wait to see some of you there.  šŸ‘ šŸ¤“

3 y/o kicks me in balls...

3 y/o kicks me in balls I fall to ground He offers to kiss it better I politely decline He gets upset I explain nuance of appropriate behaviour while writhing around in total agony Wife arrives I ask her to kiss it better She declines with fury Will cherish these family memories  šŸ’—