MONDAY
Was super excited to get in the car to go to the park. I
love the park. It’s probably my favourite place in the world after the cupboard
in the kitchen where they keep the pans. Was so giddy when they tried to put my
coat on. Couldn’t stop running up and down the house getting ready for the
park. Giggled like mad when they put my shoes on just thinking about all the
great things we were going to do at the park.
Was busy planning what I was going to do at the park and in
what order when I noticed that we swung a left at the main road meaning WE
WEREN’T GOING TO THE PARK, WE WERE GOING TO THE FUCKING SUPERMARKET! WHAT THE
ACTUAL FUCK?! Decided I had to make a stand so kicked my legs for ages (bicycle
motion first, then freestyle) so they couldn’t get me in the trolley seat. Then
when they finally did I spent the whole time round grabbing random stuff and
putting it in the trolley. Despite the fact they saw this act of defiance as
“cute”, they ended up accidentally paying for a lettuce that they didn’t even
want. So who’s laughing now, Big People?
TUESDAY
Saw Nanna today. It’s amazing to think she lives inside that
iPad.
WEDNESDAY
Was singing as I went to bed tonight. Heard my own voice
coming back from the speaker on the baby monitor. Is that how I sound to everyone
else? Jesus.
THURSDAY
Actually went to the park today. Managed to keep a lid on
things in the car in case it was all just a ruse to return the lettuce to the
supermarket. Proper lost my mind as we pulled up. Ran down to the roundabout a
bit too fast, instantly slipped and twatted my head on the metal bar.
Unfortunately that set the tone for what was ultimately a disappointing day out
– I got a wet arse from the slide, there was a big queue for the swings and I
slipped on dog shit near that rusty little spinny thing that nobody uses.
FRIDAY
Started dancing in the living room today when the phone
rang. All the Big People joined in. It was quite the scene for a moment but
then I got quite angry. Just let me have my moment.
SATURDAY
Had one of my toys confiscated because I was using it to
drink bath water. If the food was half decent round here I wouldn’t be reduced
to such drastic measures.
SUNDAY
Woke up crying because I’d leaked. Big Person tried to
comfort me. Didn’t work because I’d leaked. Big Person put the pretty lights
on. Didn’t work because I’d leaked. Big Person sang lullabies. Didn’t work
because I’d leaked. Leak reached their hand. Big Person changed me. Went back
to sleep. Big Person is stupid.
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