1.BEWARE OF FANCY NEW BUBBLE BATH. It looks lovely on the
surface but can mask an underwater shite until it's far too late.
2.Your child’s nap time is perfect for postmen to loudly
knock on your door with parcels for the entire street.
3.The best thing about having kids is that even a day of
cleaning, furniture building and trips to the tip WITHOUT THEM feels like a two
week all inclusive holiday.
4.If your child is on the roundabout and you're not
pushing, I'm not pushing. Even if my kid has to sit there, completely
stationary.
5.Toddlers are either about to fall over, have just fallen
over or are in the process of falling over.
6.Nothing will make you feel more like a dad than spending
10 minutes of Christmas Eve swearing in the loft.
7.If you don’t put washing on on Xmas Day the whole system
is fucked.
8.If your twins instantly start fighting over a present you
know it's a hit.
9.The Quality Street disappeared by Boxing Day because
they’re half the size they used to be. And we’re now twice the size.
10.The Cbeebies NYE party was probably like Ibiza 1988
compared to what we did.
(I'm a stand up comic and dad to toddler twins...I post my
parenting blog on my FB page...)
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