5 Things I Learned as a Parent This Week (#38)

1.The most annoying part of the daily tidy-up is doing all the fucking jigsaws.

2.Buying suede shoes as a parent is as optimistic as a bull farmer opening a China shop next to his stables.

3.You don't need the gym when you can just push a pram with a flat tyre up a hill with a baby while holding a brolly in the wind.

4.When hurriedly bringing your baby into your bed at 5.30am you should really check first if they're crying because they've shat everywhere.

5.I used to think Father's Day was a load of commercial toss but after that lie-in this morning I'm now a fervant supporter.

(My guest on this week's '5 Things I Learned' podcast is BBC 6 Music presenter and son of the legendary John Peel, Tom Ravenscroft. You can find it here: or go to the right hand column of my site.)

Comments

replicahorlogesnederland said…

Hace unos años visité mi primer evento olímpico en Sochi, Rusia, con Omega para apreciar la importancia del evento global en términos de reunir a la gente, así como el papel impactante que Omega juega como el cronometrador replicas relojes oficial - un papel que tienen Celebrada desde 1932, cuando los primeros Juegos Olímpicos modernos se celebró en Los Ángeles. Al ver la ceremonia de apertura y algunos de los eventos de la competición olímpica en Río de Janeiro y experimentar la impresionante naturaleza del evento profundamente emocional, sigo entusiasmado con la participación de Omega Replica. Los juegos, después de todo, están entre las últimas formas de replicas omega competencia sana entre las naciones del mundo, y aunque está diseñado para tener tanto ganadores como perdedores, nadie que participa en él pierde la oportunidad de salvar las brechas perceptivas y encontrar las similitudes culturales .

15 March 2017 at 06:36

The Time I Got Sent to the Naughty Step

The naughty step is only as powerful as the child allows it to be. I once sent my son there and 20 seconds later he came racing through the living room on his fucking bike. I briefly tried to return him to his pleasantly carpeted penitentiary but I was far too busy giggling. On another occasion, my lad wouldn’t go to bed and instead plonked himself down on the bottom of the stairs in defiance. I started to threaten him with a trip to the dreaded step of naughtiness. ‘IF YOU DON’T GET TO BED RIGHT NOW, I’ll, erm….’ I tailed off as I realised he was already sitting on the effing naughty step and my threat now made less sense than Welsh hip-hop. I could see on his little face, he’d worked this out too. He threw me a smirk that said, ‘You’ll do what, knobhead?’ I felt it crucial not to back down. So I continued: ‘I’LL PUT YOU ON THE NAUGHTY STEP, YOUNG MAN!’ ‘But I’m already on it!’ he snorted. My brain turned to scrambled egg. ‘WELL THEN!’ I had nothing. Bu

The Time I Screamed at my Kids

Before my kids arrived I swore I’d never shout at them. But choosing how to approach parenthood before your kids are born is like a caterpillar deciding what kind of butterfly they’re gonna be while they’re still building the cocoon. ‘I’ll still do loads of charity work, of course. And I’ll be REALLY nice to moths too, even though they’ll probably hate me because I’ll be so bloody gorgeous.’ Theory and reality are like sugar and shit. I’ve raised my voice to my kids more times than I can count. Often just to shout ‘STOP SHOUTING!’ which I’m aware doesn’t set a great example. ‘You should NEVER shout at your kids.’ And that’s fine. In theory. Because everything’s fine in theory. The Slimfast diet is a piece of piss until day two when you’ve had three hours sleep and someone offers you a Wagon Wheel. Of course, I never WANT to shout at them. I love them more than words can describe. But those you love are also the ones blessed with the innate ability to boil your piss q

10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#29)

1.I cannot believe I EVER complained about being tired pre-kids. 2.That moment when you think there's something seriously wrong with your baby but quickly realise they're just having a massive shite. Ridiculous. 3.The key to cleaning Weetabix off the floor is not to leave it for 10 days. 4.I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact my next lie in will be in 2026. 5.I can recite all the words to The Furchester Hotel yet struggle remembering my own PIN number. 6.They should make talking baby toys swear. Just once or twice a year to keep us interested. 7.I could pick out the noise of a dummy hitting the floor in the middle of an earthquake. 8.Putting shoes on a baby will make you twice as late. 9.I could shave a chimp with ADHD quicker than I can dress my son. 10.Only if they ever make me a grandad will my boys truly understand how much I love them. I'm a finalist in the MAD Blog Awards 2016 and you can vote for me in both '

Sam Avery

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