Skip to main content

5 Things I Learned as a Parent This Week (#32)

1.When you have kids you start to view sleep in the same way you used to view sex – often thinking about it, not getting enough and happy to do it on the bus.

2.If Eskimos have a thousand words for 'snow' then new parents should have at least a million words for 'tired'.

3.Being a parent is like being a Premier League manager. Full of stress, quick decisions & everyone thinks they could do a better job than you.

4.After a week of sleep more disrupted than a Virgin train service your energy levels will resemble those of a diabetic sloth that’s cutting out caffeine for Lent.

5.It's a REALLY stupid idea to complain to your wife about a sore neck (caused by too many pillows in the hotel) after she's spent the night from hell on her own with two poorly twins.

(Please vote for me in the MAD Blog Awards 2016...you can cast your vote in Best Baby Blog and Best New Blog by clicking here.)
Labels:

Comments

Unknown said…
The best pads for neck backing ought to have the right immovability to bolster your neck while superbly adjusting to the shape of your head. There are distinctive sorts of bolster cushions today that it's very difficult to pick only one. The accompanying data is essential to observe to get to the best pads for neck support.For more information click here ...
29 May 2016 at 16:41
WatchesUK said…
It's sort of a shame that timepieces like this need to cost so much money. That means only a handful of well-funded weirdo collectors replica rolex watches will be able to enjoy a massive modern timepiece such as this that is based on historic military pilot watches built for a certain German army around a certain global conflict during the early middle of the 20th century. Circus size and controversial inspirations replique montre are probably a good thing when you want to sex up a wearable desk clock. On that note, the IWC Big Pilot's Heritage Watch 55 would make an excellent desk clock. Unfortunately, despite the large case size, it doesn't have a long power reserve. If anything, the biggest let down in a timepiece such as this that IWC didn't make better use of the space inside. With all that fake rolex sale case real estate, they could have easily included some movement with a power reserve of at least week or more. I mean, the standard IWC Big Pilot's watch is both an automatic and has a power reserve of about a week. Instead, IWC preferred to go repliche orologi an alternative route and get a bit more vintage chic with the mechanism inside of this reference 5104 timepiece.
30 July 2016 at 07:10
replicas rolex said…
y un ojo bien adiestrado puede notarlas fácilmente, aunque pasarán desapercibidas para la mayoría de los omega replicas compradores. Realmente no se trata en sí de diferencias, sino de mantener los precios iwc replicas tan reducidos como lo son.
26 April 2017 at 10:26
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Time I Smeared Shit on the Duvet

My wife and I developed our parenting systems through trial and error. One of the earliest rules we’d introduced was that if it was after 5am and one of the babies became unsettled, we wouldn’t waste our time trying to get them back down in their cot - we’d just bring them in with us. After a nice cuddle in our bed, they’d normally settle back down, barring the occasional impromptu fanny gouge or affable bollock kick. (Babies are the most violent sleepers on the planet, easily capable of committing GBH in the middle of reaching for their dummy.) Our twins were six months old. I was fast asleep. At least, the deepest sleep you can get once your kids arrive. My pre-kids sleep used to be the nocturnal equivalent of deep sea diving. Nowadays I’m lucky if I can submerge my toes in a puddle. Early on, my sleep was lighter than a Ryvita biscuit who’d been having it off with a helium canister they’d met on Tinder. Everything woke me up. Some nights I’d just lie there, bewi...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Time I Got Sent to the Naughty Step

The naughty step is only as powerful as the child allows it to be. I once sent my son there and 20 seconds later he came racing through the living room on his fucking bike. I briefly tried to return him to his pleasantly carpeted penitentiary but I was far too busy giggling. On another occasion, my lad wouldn’t go to bed and instead plonked himself down on the bottom of the stairs in defiance. I started to threaten him with a trip to the dreaded step of naughtiness. ‘IF YOU DON’T GET TO BED RIGHT NOW, I’ll, erm….’ I tailed off as I realised he was already sitting on the effing naughty step and my threat now made less sense than Welsh hip-hop. I could see on his little face, he’d worked this out too. He threw me a smirk that said, ‘You’ll do what, knobhead?’ I felt it crucial not to back down. So I continued: ‘I’LL PUT YOU ON THE NAUGHTY STEP, YOUNG MAN!’ ‘But I’m already on it!’ he snorted. My brain turned to scrambled egg. ‘WELL THEN!’ I had nothing. Bu...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Time I Screamed at my Kids

Before my kids arrived I swore I’d never shout at them. But choosing how to approach parenthood before your kids are born is like a caterpillar deciding what kind of butterfly they’re gonna be while they’re still building the cocoon. ‘I’ll still do loads of charity work, of course. And I’ll be REALLY nice to moths too, even though they’ll probably hate me because I’ll be so bloody gorgeous.’ Theory and reality are like sugar and shit. I’ve raised my voice to my kids more times than I can count. Often just to shout ‘STOP SHOUTING!’ which I’m aware doesn’t set a great example. ‘You should NEVER shout at your kids.’ And that’s fine. In theory. Because everything’s fine in theory. The Slimfast diet is a piece of piss until day two when you’ve had three hours sleep and someone offers you a Wagon Wheel. Of course, I never WANT to shout at them. I love them more than words can describe. But those you love are also the ones blessed with the innate ability to boil your piss q...
Post a Comment
Read more