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10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#28)

1.I've got to remember to lick my fingers to open the nappy bag *before* I change the rancid nappy.

2.To all the people who've done naff all to help while I've struggled through a tricky doorway with a double buggy - I hope you get piles.

3.The Cookie Monster needs to be tested for Type 2 diabetes.

4.Netflix should launch a service for babies and just show washing machines, leaves blowing about and adults sneezing.

5.Changing the height of a cot on your own takes fucking ages.

6.A baby has the ability to be more uncooperative than a 3 wheeled trolley on a cobbled street.

7.This time last year one of the twins had a serious operation. Today I put a coat on him. The coat made him cry more.

8.I need a wardrobe safe from the kids filthy hands and dribble. Somewhere locked away in the corner of the loft, surrounded by water. I'll put my clean sock there.

9.Step 8 of any flat-pack furniture instructions tends to be 'discuss possible divorce with partner.'

10.Every time the boys move a nappy size up I can feel time slipping through my fingers like sand.

I'm a finalist in the MAD Blog Awards 2016 and you can vote for me in both 'Best New Blog' and 'Best Baby Blog' categories - if you have 30 seconds to spare click here and I'll be your best mate for life.

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