10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week #27

1.Nothing will shit you up like hearing SUDDEN silence from the room the kids are in.

2.I'd rather be trapped in a lift with Katie Hopkins than go to Asda on a Saturday afternoon with a double buggy. Hell on Earth.

3.The period when your baby suddenly becomes mobile but you haven't childproofed anything yet is terrifying.

4.Nothing makes you feel more like a dad than going the tip on a Saturday.

5.If my lads and their Weetabix would've been on the Titanic they could've fixed the leak, easy.

6.Our house is never more than 3 minutes away from total carnage.

7.A soft play area, miles from home, is no place to be when your son has leaked and you've forgotten the wipes.

8.A baby will consider you leaving the room without them on a par with war crimes.

9.Whoever let Postman Pat fly a fucking plane this week should be shot in the face.

10.Hearing the twins happily babbling to each other makes everything else in the world seem completely insignificant.

(If you've enjoyed any of my blogs over the last year I'd be so chuffed if you'd vote for me in the MAD Blog Awards 2016 - it'll take you about 30 seconds and all the details are here. Thanks!)

Comments

marta larkin said…

A standout amongst the most imperative things that you ought to learn as a guardian is the manner by which to comprehend your youngster. You have to realize that your kid has a one of a kind identity that will stay for whatever is left of his or her life. By watching your kid as they play, eat or even rest you can get a comprehension of your youngster and the creating identity.

16 April 2016 at 06:53

10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#29)

1.I cannot believe I EVER complained about being tired pre-kids. 2.That moment when you think there's something seriously wrong with your baby but quickly realise they're just having a massive shite. Ridiculous. 3.The key to cleaning Weetabix off the floor is not to leave it for 10 days. 4.I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact my next lie in will be in 2026. 5.I can recite all the words to The Furchester Hotel yet struggle remembering my own PIN number. 6.They should make talking baby toys swear. Just once or twice a year to keep us interested. 7.I could pick out the noise of a dummy hitting the floor in the middle of an earthquake. 8.Putting shoes on a baby will make you twice as late. 9.I could shave a chimp with ADHD quicker than I can dress my son. 10.Only if they ever make me a grandad will my boys truly understand how much I love them. I'm a finalist in the MAD Blog Awards 2016 and you can vote for me in both '

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Ladies and gentlemen - some news! One recipient of my newsletter is now the 'lucky' (ahem) winner of an exclusive gig from me IN THEIR HOUSE! And that person is... Lyn Morter! Well done, Lyn! (Btw, if anyone from Ofcom is reading, you can check the legitimacy of this result via the Facebook Live video I did last week.) When I informed Lyn that she'd won she simply said, 'I've never heard of you' and 'How did you get my phone number?' so I'm sure that will be a great gig for everyone. (Only joking. She was thrilled.) Thanks to all of you for entering. But what now, Sam? I hear you screaming at your smartphones. Well, I'll be taking things a wee bit easier through August, spending some much needed time with my family after all the touring. But just like that former Governor of California of Austrian descent, I'LL BE BACK (sorry) in September with more blogs, videos and general waffle. I'm also heading b

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