1.Nothing will shit you up like hearing SUDDEN silence from the room the kids are in.
2.I'd rather be trapped in a lift with Katie Hopkins than go to Asda on a Saturday afternoon with a double buggy. Hell on Earth.
3.The period when your baby suddenly becomes mobile but you haven't childproofed anything yet is terrifying.
4.Nothing makes you feel more like a dad than going the tip on a Saturday.
5.If my lads and their Weetabix would've been on the Titanic they could've fixed the leak, easy.
6.Our house is never more than 3 minutes away from total carnage.
7.A soft play area, miles from home, is no place to be when your son has leaked and you've forgotten the wipes.
8.A baby will consider you leaving the room without them on a par with war crimes.
9.Whoever let Postman Pat fly a fucking plane this week should be shot in the face.
10.Hearing the twins happily babbling to each other makes everything else in the world seem completely insignificant.
(If you've enjoyed any of my blogs over the last year I'd be so chuffed if you'd vote for me in the MAD Blog Awards 2016 - it'll take you about 30 seconds and all the details are here. Thanks!)