1.Getting your baby to sleep is like a game of Snakes and
Ladders. One wrong move and you're back to the beginning.
2.A nappy change that requires seven baby wipes before you
even REMOVE said nappy will damage you spiritually.
3.Parenting ages you quicker than a fruit fly - I saw a
picture of myself just after the boys were born the other day and then looked
in the mirror. Yoda was looking back at me.
4.Leaving the house is harder than joining MENSA.
5.I've had more shit on my fingers this week than a clumsy
proctologist.
6.Singing nursery rhymes in different styles (Metallica /
Morrissey / Napalm Death) gets you through the day.
7.Both twins screaming together has the same effect on
decision making as bad weather on a TV signal. It's still there, sort of, but
there's interference, long pauses and it's mainly bollocks.
8.I wish I could've 'banked' sleep before I had kids.
(Imagine being able to open a sleep savings account pre-kids and set up a
direct debit to yourself post-kids.)
9.Our lads (9.5 months) have suddenly got the worst mullets
in history.
10.A rolling baby will fill you with pride and a smidgen of
fear. From now on you cannot be sure that your child be exactly where you left
them...
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