The Secret Diary of an 8 Month Old (Part 9)

MONDAY
Big people put me in the bouncer which is ridiculous because they know it makes me poo. They left me there for ages too, while they farted around picking stuff up off the floor. Decided to bounce like never before. They won’t do that again - that bouncer is wrecked, man.

TUESDAY
Learned a new noise today. Cross between a cough and a scream. Did it all day. Forgot to nap. Big people weren’t impressed. Made the noise at them. They seemed less impressed.

WEDNESDAY
Big people had me laughing by putting the blanket over their head and taking it off again. Credit where credit’s due, it’s brilliant. So clever. I don’t know how they come up with this stuff.

THURSDAY
I was pretty narky this afternoon so they tried that thing with the blanket again. Wasn’t funny in the slightest. They need some new material.

FRIDAY
Was in a proper mood because I was tired (that noise is so much fun to make!) so they put me to bed early. Got the giggles. Made the new noise. Got angry. Went to sleep.

SATURDAY
Got taken to a room with loads of other little people in. Chatted to another little person who seemed to be on my level. We spent ages dribbling and discussing how immature the rest were.

SUNDAY
Cried because I was in the pram. Cried because they took me out the pram. Cried when they cuddled me so they put me in the bouncer. Big mistake. Big people are such slow learners.

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. Click here to follow my parenting blog on Facebook. (Or go to the top right of this page)

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18 April 2017 at 03:43

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