MONDAY
Pissed on my favourite book today. Saw the dog doing it once
and figured it’s the best way to stop other people reading it. Totally worked
as Mummy threw it in the bin. Problem solved.
TUESDAY
Cried because my favourite book wasn’t on the shelf. Forgot
I pissed on it yesterday. Tried rooting through the bin. Daddy stopped me. Held
onto the bin for ages while he tried to pull me away. When that didn’t work he
used a friendly, logical, convincing and sensible reason for why I should let
go. I held on tighter. Ha! Not gonna fall for that rubbish again.
WEDNESDAY
Went to a party but cried till we left early. Laughed all
the way home. Nobody else joined in.
THURSDAY
Big people seemed confused why I was grumpy this morning.
I'd like to see what mood you'd be in if you woke up in a puddle of your own
piss.
FRIDAY
Had SIX absolute meltdowns today. Two at breakfast, three at
lunch and two in the car. Is that seven? Okay, I had SEVEN absolute meltdowns
today. Oh and one just before bedtime. So, eight – EIGHT meltdowns. And one in
the bath. Crap, that’s nine isn’t it? Or ten if you count when someone stole my
crayon in playgroup and I cried so hard I nearly swallowed my own head. Tell
you what, let’s call it fifteen to be on the safe side - I had FIFTEEN massive,
all-out meltdowns today.
Other than that I was in top form.
SATURDAY
Need to sort my life out. Tried to grab the actual poo from
my nappy today. What the fuck is wrong with me?!
SUNDAY
Had a bad dream last night that I was an actual big person.
Christ, it was horrible. I had loads to do and no time to do it. And I looked
terrible.
(I post a new 'Secret Diary' to my FB page every
Tuesday...I'm a stand up comic and dad to toddler twins and you can find my
parent blog on my website...or follow me on Twitter or Instagram.)
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