MONDAY
Discovered a great new game today called 'Keep Throwing
Everything On The Floor Repeatedly For Ages'. (Needs a snappier title but you
get the drift.) Big people joined in too. They kept picking everything up so I
could keep playing.
TUESDAY
Reprogrammed the washing machine today. Mid-wash. Fuck knows
what I did but it’s not working now. Tried to fix it for them but they wouldn’t
let me near the thing.
WEDNESDAY
Had a great time ripping up my best books. Totally wrecked
three of my favourite ones. Got told off by Mummy. Tried to blame the books.
Didn’t work. Felt guilty. Mummy left room. Continued ripping books.
THURSDAY
Had hold of my Peppa Pig doll during a nappy change. Kept me
distracted for a while until I grinded her face right into the filth. Big
people went nuts and took her away. Really confusing. I thought she liked muddy
puddles.
FRIDAY
The food round here is terrible. And the big people are full
of shit - they keep saying it's 'lovely' as they tuck into something completely
different. Hypocrites.
SATURDAY
Decided to throw my head to the side just as I was carried
through a doorway. Hit my head on the frame. Cried for ages. Some of my life
choices really are abysmal.
SUNDAY
I wish they’d stop asking me what’s up when I’m crying. You
wouldn’t understand, man. It’s a toddler thing. Sort your own problems out.
(I post a new 'Secret Diary' to my FB page every
Tuesday...I'm a stand up comic and dad to toddler twins and you can find my
parent blog on this website...follow me on Twitter or Instagram...)
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