1.I hope my son is teething, otherwise he's just a knobhead.
2. Because it turns out you don't have to be two to begin the Terrible Twos.
3.Spending the whole day inside the house with your kids feels like prison.
4.Although at least in prison they let you have a poo in peace.
5.Sometimes I hide from my kids & they don’t realise I’m not playing a game, I'm just hiding.
6. How anyone conceives for a second time is beyond me. Our first have kicked me in the balls so much I'm pretty sure they're broke.
7.Some nights I have horrible dreams about being a parent in the days before on-demand television.
8.Although nowadays sleep feels like an old hobby I’ve drifted away from.
9. When I buy something new I vividly imagine the noise it'll make when the kids smash it.
10.And despite all the above I wouldn’t change a thing.