MONDAY
Mummy wouldn’t let me touch the radiator so I asked Daddy.
He wouldn’t either. Touched it later when they weren’t looking. It was really
fucking hot. Why did nobody stop me?
TUESDAY
Wrecking stuff is so much fun! Today I ripped my fave book
to pieces, smashed a toy in half and totally destroyed a new outfit with a
nappy leak that nearly caused Debenhams to be closed temporarily. I love being
creative!
WEDNESDAY
It’s slowly dawning on me that I’m totally clueless in
almost every area of life. Today I lay down on the floor and rubbed my face
across the gravel. ON PURPOSE! It stung like fuck, obviously. What is wrong
with me?
THURSDAY
Some snotty kid pushed me over at the soft play area today.
I cried. They stuck their finger in my ear. I cried more. Mummy came over and
blamed me. I cried even more. Injustice is a bitter pill to swallow - I was
fuming for literally minutes. I don’t know this kid or what their game is but
mark my words - retribution will be swift.
FRIDAY
Think I managed a new word today. To be honest, I’m just
shouting out different sounds these days but the big people seemed to lose
their minds at this one. They kept repeating it for me to say again but I
refused. It’s important to not bow easily to peer pressure.
SATURDAY
Those big fools left the babygate open this morning so I was
straight up the stairs. It was exhilarating. My plan was to get to the top so I
throw myself down again but they caught me halfway up. Bastards. It’s my own
fault for giggling the whole time.
SUNDAY
I do enjoy the Tellytubbies but I wish they’d develop the
characters a bit more. They seem to do the same thing every week and it gets
boring. That bit in the middle is starting to grate too. We don’t need to see
it twice do we? The music is still class though. Easily the best song ever
written.
(I'm a stand up comic and dad to toddler twins. I post all
my blogs on my FB page.)
Comments