1.Arriving somewhere EARLY with the kids will freak you out. (I expected the universe to implode.)
2.If you're on your third cup of coffee and fourth slice of pizza by 9.30am it's gonna be a long day.
3.Those happy toddlers enjoying ALL their food in the recipe books are CGI, right?
4.When my wife dresses the kids she picks the nicest outfit. When I dress them I pick whatever goes on easiest.
5.It's entirely possible to be so exhausted that you drop a biscuit and call it a c**t.
6.I feel sorry for the snail in our outside bin. Trapped in a pit full of rancid nappies and broken dreams.
7.They should change the name of Teddy Bears Picnic to 'Let's Wreck Daddy's Trousers'
8.Minging food on a floor is more appetising to a toddler than haute cuisine on a plate.
9.I'm pleased my kids are showing an interest in books, if only they wanted to read more than the same two ALL THE TIME.
10.As a parent I've actually listened to the training schedule that Olympians keep and thought, 'IS THAT ALL?'
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