10 Things I Learned as a Parent This Week (#46)

1.Arriving somewhere EARLY with the kids will freak you out. (I expected the universe to implode.)

2.If you're on your third cup of coffee and fourth slice of pizza by 9.30am it's gonna be a long day.

3.Those happy toddlers enjoying ALL their food in the recipe books are CGI, right?

4.When my wife dresses the kids she picks the nicest outfit. When I dress them I pick whatever goes on easiest.

5.It's entirely possible to be so exhausted that you drop a biscuit and call it a c**t.

6.I feel sorry for the snail in our outside bin. Trapped in a pit full of rancid nappies and broken dreams.

7.They should change the name of Teddy Bears Picnic to 'Let's Wreck Daddy's Trousers'

8.Minging food on a floor is more appetising to a toddler than haute cuisine on a plate.

9.I'm pleased my kids are showing an interest in books, if only they wanted to read more than the same two ALL THE TIME.

10.As a parent I've actually listened to the training schedule that Olympians keep and thought, 'IS THAT ALL?'

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Comments

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13 April 2017 at 05:57

10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#29)

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Ladies and gentlemen - some news! One recipient of my newsletter is now the 'lucky' (ahem) winner of an exclusive gig from me IN THEIR HOUSE! And that person is... Lyn Morter! Well done, Lyn! (Btw, if anyone from Ofcom is reading, you can check the legitimacy of this result via the Facebook Live video I did last week.) When I informed Lyn that she'd won she simply said, 'I've never heard of you' and 'How did you get my phone number?' so I'm sure that will be a great gig for everyone. (Only joking. She was thrilled.) Thanks to all of you for entering. But what now, Sam? I hear you screaming at your smartphones. Well, I'll be taking things a wee bit easier through August, spending some much needed time with my family after all the touring. But just like that former Governor of California of Austrian descent, I'LL BE BACK (sorry) in September with more blogs, videos and general waffle. I'm also heading b

Sam Avery

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