2.When politely informing a motorist that the parent and child spaces are for parents with children, they often turn out to be a weapons-grade c**t.
3.If leaving the house goes from concept to reality in less than an hour then you’ve definitely forgotten something.
4.Nowadays me and the wife have to schedule sex in with at least five full working days notice and a complete veto allowed at any time from either party.
5.Last night's sleep was less satisfying than Ryvita.
6.Some days I feel more broken than a pack of biscuits that's been lashed down a flight of stairs.
7.This week, WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS, I'm gonna clean the inside of our bin.
8."We'd like you to stay forever,
Or longer if you can..."
The Furchesters may actually be serial killers.
9.It takes longer to get the toys out of the empty bath than to run it.
10.The world seems to have become a much scarier place since my kids were born. Does everyone feel that way?
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