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10 Things I Learned as a Parent This Week (#42)

1.I'd rather wipe my arse with a broken bottle than take a double buggy to Primark on a Saturday.

2.Nothing encourages you to quicken the pace like a baby wet-farting while you change them.

3.My toddler is obsessed with climbing to the highest point in the room. I'm convinced he's part mountain goat.

4.If I shit myself after just getting out the bath I'm furious whereas my son just takes it in his stride.

5.Hey Duggie is the most consistent TV show since The Sopranos.

6.You know you're a knackered parent when you have to go for an X-Ray at the hospital but quite enjoy the sit down and hot cuppa while you wait.

7.Even if I only ate the food my kids refused to try I'd still be a fat bastard.

8.And scoffing all my kid's leftovers means my brand new clothes are so snug they're only fit for bed. I'm currently the best dressed sleeping man in town.

9.Dirty nappies come in all shapes and sizes. I changed one that looked like the Shroud of Turin.

10.Whoever invents the first 'Silent Flush' toilet is getting my vote.

(Episode 8 of the podcast is out now! My guest this week is comedian and dad of two, Brendan Riley. We had a great chat about child communication, how he deals with toddler tantrums and some pet theories about human behaviour. Download and subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher or Podbean)

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