1.I cannot believe I EVER complained about being tired pre-kids.
2.That moment when you think there's something seriously wrong with your baby but quickly realise they're just having a massive shite. Ridiculous.
3.The key to cleaning Weetabix off the floor is not to leave it for 10 days.
4.I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact my next lie in will be in 2026.
5.I can recite all the words to The Furchester Hotel yet struggle remembering my own PIN number.
6.They should make talking baby toys swear. Just once or twice a year to keep us interested.
7.I could pick out the noise of a dummy hitting the floor in the middle of an earthquake.
8.Putting shoes on a baby will make you twice as late.
9.I could shave a chimp with ADHD quicker than I can dress my son.
10.Only if they ever make me a grandad will my boys truly understand how much I love them.
I'm a finalist in the MAD Blog Awards 2016 and you can vote for me in both 'Best New Blog' and 'Best Baby Blog' categories - if you have 30 seconds to spare click here and I'll be your best mate for life.