10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#29)

1.I cannot believe I EVER complained about being tired pre-kids.

2.That moment when you think there's something seriously wrong with your baby but quickly realise they're just having a massive shite. Ridiculous.

3.The key to cleaning Weetabix off the floor is not to leave it for 10 days.

4.I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact my next lie in will be in 2026.

5.I can recite all the words to The Furchester Hotel yet struggle remembering my own PIN number.

6.They should make talking baby toys swear. Just once or twice a year to keep us interested.

7.I could pick out the noise of a dummy hitting the floor in the middle of an earthquake.

8.Putting shoes on a baby will make you twice as late.

9.I could shave a chimp with ADHD quicker than I can dress my son.

10.Only if they ever make me a grandad will my boys truly understand how much I love them.

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Comments

Renee Christel Rispin said…

When The Furchester Hotel comes on its more like, Welcome....to the SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT... That theme songs just reminds me I'm late for work and the baby is still not dressed in his jumperoo.

Renee @peonieandme x

2 May 2016 at 12:25

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13 January 2017 at 08:11

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Before my kids arrived I swore I’d never shout at them. But choosing how to approach parenthood before your kids are born is like a caterpillar deciding what kind of butterfly they’re gonna be while they’re still building the cocoon. ‘I’ll still do loads of charity work, of course. And I’ll be REALLY nice to moths too, even though they’ll probably hate me because I’ll be so bloody gorgeous.’ Theory and reality are like sugar and shit. I’ve raised my voice to my kids more times than I can count. Often just to shout ‘STOP SHOUTING!’ which I’m aware doesn’t set a great example. ‘You should NEVER shout at your kids.’ And that’s fine. In theory. Because everything’s fine in theory. The Slimfast diet is a piece of piss until day two when you’ve had three hours sleep and someone offers you a Wagon Wheel. Of course, I never WANT to shout at them. I love them more than words can describe. But those you love are also the ones blessed with the innate ability to boil your piss q

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Sam Avery

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