10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#29)

1.I cannot believe I EVER complained about being tired pre-kids.

2.That moment when you think there's something seriously wrong with your baby but quickly realise they're just having a massive shite. Ridiculous.

3.The key to cleaning Weetabix off the floor is not to leave it for 10 days.

4.I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact my next lie in will be in 2026.

5.I can recite all the words to The Furchester Hotel yet struggle remembering my own PIN number.

6.They should make talking baby toys swear. Just once or twice a year to keep us interested.

7.I could pick out the noise of a dummy hitting the floor in the middle of an earthquake.

8.Putting shoes on a baby will make you twice as late.

9.I could shave a chimp with ADHD quicker than I can dress my son.

10.Only if they ever make me a grandad will my boys truly understand how much I love them.

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Comments

Renee Christel Rispin said…

When The Furchester Hotel comes on its more like, Welcome....to the SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT... That theme songs just reminds me I'm late for work and the baby is still not dressed in his jumperoo.

Renee @peonieandme x

2 May 2016 at 12:25

The Secret Diary of a 23 Month Old (Part 36)

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#30: The 12 Different Types of Nappy

Opening your baby’s nappy is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get and you’ll probably end up with sticky fingers. My twin boys are 10 weeks old and these are the 12 types of nappy I’ve encountered so far. (If you’re eating your dinner I recommend reading this a bit later on.) 1.The Leak (AKA The Pooseidon Adventure ) It’s everywhere except in the nappy itself. Worse still, it’s leaving a trail. If Hansel and Gretel had a leaking baby with them the story would’ve ended happily. This type makes me actually doubt gravity. How can something that goes down end up on their shoulder? If it wasn't so gross you'd stand up and applaud. Unfortunately you can’t even enjoy the irony of removing a sleepsuit with bum juice up the back and ‘Too Cute’ across the front. (There are many causes of The Leak , one of which I covered in it’s full gory detail here. ) 2.The Tardis (AKA The Turdis , The Doctor Poo ) This is when the amount of was...

Before You Park in the Parent & Child Space, Read This

Twice in my regular Sunday night blog I’ve written about parent and child spaces being used by people on their own. These are the comments I made: 1.People caught parking in the parent and child spaces without kids should be forced to do their weekly shop with teething triplets who haven’t napped. 2.When politely informing a motorist that the parent and child spaces are for parents with children, they often turn out to be a weapons-grade c**t. Both have been met with support and criticism. Those with gripes can be separated into two camps: A. People With No Kids Fair enough. You don’t understand what an absolute pain in the shitpipe it is to try and get a pair of wriggling, screaming, unaccommodating toddlers out of a car into a space more narrow than a hamster’s skinny jeans. (N.B. It’s the extra space we crave, not the proximity to the shop.) You also won’t understand how severe sleep deprivation renders previously simple decisions as confusing...

Sam Avery

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