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The Secret Diary of a 9 Month Old (Part 14)

MONDAY
People seemed confused why I was grumpy this morning. I'd like to see what mood you'd be in if you woke up in a puddle of your own piss.

TUESDAY
Discovered if you bash a dummy against the side of your cot for long enough the big people show up. Handy to know if there's an emergency.

WEDNESDAY
My snot tastes really bad. Must stop eating it.

THURSDAY
Tickling me when I've just woken up? Come on. There's a time and place for frivolity and first thing isn't it.

FRIDAY
Cried all afternoon. Really enjoyed myself. Who doesn't love a good moan?

SATURDAY
Finally managed to roll onto my front today. Tried to roll back. Couldn't do it. Cried. Lay head in my own snot and tears and gave up. Help arrived. Tried again. Failed again. Cried more. Help arrived again. Gave up. Felt embarrassed.

SUNDAY
Think I'm done with rolling now. I've seen other babies do it and even the good ones don't seem to know what they're doing half the time. Or where they're going. Will figure out another system for getting about.

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. Click here to follow my blog on Facebook.

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