The Secret Diary of a 9 Month Old (Part 14)

MONDAY

People seemed confused why I was grumpy this morning. I'd like to see what mood you'd be in if you woke up in a puddle of your own piss.

TUESDAY

Discovered if you bash a dummy against the side of your cot for long enough the big people show up. Handy to know if there's an emergency.

WEDNESDAY

My snot tastes really bad. Must stop eating it.

THURSDAY

Tickling me when I've just woken up? Come on. There's a time and place for frivolity and first thing isn't it.

FRIDAY

Cried all afternoon. Really enjoyed myself. Who doesn't love a good moan?

SATURDAY

Finally managed to roll onto my front today. Tried to roll back. Couldn't do it. Cried. Lay head in my own snot and tears and gave up. Help arrived. Tried again. Failed again. Cried more. Help arrived again. Gave up. Felt embarrassed.

SUNDAY

Think I'm done with rolling now. I've seen other babies do it and even the good ones don't seem to know what they're doing half the time. Or where they're going. Will figure out another system for getting about.

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. Click here to follow my blog on Facebook.

Comments

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Ladies and gentlemen - some news! One recipient of my newsletter is now the 'lucky' (ahem) winner of an exclusive gig from me IN THEIR HOUSE! And that person is... Lyn Morter! Well done, Lyn! (Btw, if anyone from Ofcom is reading, you can check the legitimacy of this result via the Facebook Live video I did last week.) When I informed Lyn that she'd won she simply said, 'I've never heard of you' and 'How did you get my phone number?' so I'm sure that will be a great gig for everyone. (Only joking. She was thrilled.) Thanks to all of you for entering. But what now, Sam? I hear you screaming at your smartphones. Well, I'll be taking things a wee bit easier through August, spending some much needed time with my family after all the touring. But just like that former Governor of California of Austrian descent, I'LL BE BACK (sorry) in September with more blogs, videos and general waffle. I'm also heading b

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Sam Avery

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