The Secret Diary of a 9 Month Old (Part 13)

MONDAY
Woke up last night to see one of the big people just staring at me. They seemed shocked to see me though God knows why. Then they dived on the floor so I couldn't see them but I knew they were still there as I could clearly hear them giggling. They're so immature.

TUESDAY
Dribbled so much it ended up in my eye. Sometimes I really do disgust myself.

WEDNESDAY
Was having a great nap on the sofa when they tried to move me to the cot. Screamed the house down. Who naps in a cot? Ridiculous. Even though I was tired I refused to sleep out of principle. You've got to make a stand against this sort of thing.

THURSDAY
Spent the whole day whining and shaking my hands about for no particular reason. Great times.

FRIDAY
Got like, fifteen new presents today! Was a bit overwhelmed to be honest. Didn't know what to do with myself so just stared at everyone. Next time I hope they give me more of the paper it came in. Tasty.

SATURDAY
2016 is gonna be a big year for me so decided to make some New Year's resolutions:

1. I will make a conscious effort to try new foods with an open mind and open mouth.

2. I will finally get fit by learning to roll over and maybe even crawl.

3. I will stop pooing in the bath unless it's absolutely necessary.

SUNDAY
Pooed in the bath. It wasn't necessary. Will start again tomorrow.

I'm a stand up comic and dad to twins. You can follow my blog on Facebook by clicking here.

Comments

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Ladies and gentlemen - some news! One recipient of my newsletter is now the 'lucky' (ahem) winner of an exclusive gig from me IN THEIR HOUSE! And that person is... Lyn Morter! Well done, Lyn! (Btw, if anyone from Ofcom is reading, you can check the legitimacy of this result via the Facebook Live video I did last week.) When I informed Lyn that she'd won she simply said, 'I've never heard of you' and 'How did you get my phone number?' so I'm sure that will be a great gig for everyone. (Only joking. She was thrilled.) Thanks to all of you for entering. But what now, Sam? I hear you screaming at your smartphones. Well, I'll be taking things a wee bit easier through August, spending some much needed time with my family after all the touring. But just like that former Governor of California of Austrian descent, I'LL BE BACK (sorry) in September with more blogs, videos and general waf...

Sam Avery

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