5 Kids TV Shows (If They Were More Realistic)

CBeebies have announced they want to make their programmes more 'realistic.' Here's 5 suggestions on how they could do that:

1. POSTMAN PAT is made redundant after the privatisation of Royal Mail. Later episodes show Pat working for UPS, drinking heavily, and moaning to anyone who'll listen about the Tories, delivery drones, and 'that fucking Amazon.'

2. PEPPA PIG

After running up crippling gambling debts with Grampy Rabbit, Daddy Pig is forced to accept an offer from Channel 5 to be featured on Reality TV.

The show is a huge hit and runs for 12 seasons, culminating with an 18 year old George kickstarting the most progressive discussion of transgender politics in the UK's history by announcing live on air that he 'always felt like a cow trapped in a pigs body.'

George becomes a national sweetheart and stars in a string of spin off shows to varying success.

3. THE TELLYTUBBIES are arrested after a three day illegal rave in Tubbyland is busted by police. Dipsy is sectioned under the Mental Health Act.

4. RAA RAA THE NOISY LION is poached by an American dentist on a hunting holiday who claims he 'didn't know of Rara's significance.' International outcry follows.

5. THE FURCHESTER HOTEL is closed by the authorities for violating a litany of health and safety guidelines.

Mrs Furchester absconds after being wanted by police for her part in the Muppet-smuggling ring that used the premises as a safe house. The ringleader is sentenced to 18 years which leads into the follow up prison series 'Elmo is the New Black'.

I'm a stand up comic and dad to twins. Click here to follow my blog on Facebook.

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