1.Wiping the arse of a wriggling baby should be an Olympic
sport.
2.It takes 1.5 hours to tidy our house but a mere 37
seconds to untidy it.
3.Our washing machine is more overworked than a Victorian
pit pony.
4.I have no idea what me and my wife had conversations
about before the kids were born.
5.Dribble rash is minging.
6.If one of our twins keeps rolling about like this he'll
be applying for a travel visa before the summer.
7.It's far too easy to sit on the baby monitor microphone,
hear an almighty noise come through the receiver from the next room, not
realise this has been caused by your own clumsy derrière and thus assume you're
being burgled. (This is also a great way to get the exact temperature of your
buttocks.)
8.It's possible for next door's dog to bark so loud outside
your baby's window you'll be convinced your child is part-wolf.
9.New kitchen cleaning products excite me more now than new
music. FML.
10.We've passed more germs back and forth in our house this
week than a game of spin the bottle at a VD clinic.
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