(Apologies for the delay in getting this up on the site late - it went up on my FB page over a week ago but due to a dose of man-flu and the busy Xmas period I'm only putting it online 'properly' now.)
1.They should invent dummies you can locate by whistling or clapping, like with car keys.
2.You don't have to 'enjoy every minute' of parenthood. When they're coughing their guts up and you're full of flu it's worse than root canal surgery with an unqualified dentist.
3.All I want for Christmas is my lad to get his two front teeth. PLEASE BABY JESUS, MAKE IT HAPPEN.
4.Judging by where the mess tends to end up, my other son's bum hole is pointing upwards.
5.If the twins keep sneaking in with us I need to lose weight or buy a bigger bed.
6.It's easy to become everything you hate. I saw a mum pushing triplets and felt compelled to tell her that I have twins. She couldn't have given less of a fuck and rightly so.
7.I'd rather not kiss my kids goodnight than run the risk of waking them up.
8.Me and the wife don't have names anymore. We're mummy and daddy.
9.A balanced diet in December is eating each flavour of Chocolate Orange for breakfast.
10.No matter how hard or stressful your day has been, a smile from your baby washes it all away, like a wet wipe for the soul.