10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#12)

1.It’s a good job babies are cute because several aspects of them are beyond gross.

2.My sons ‘poo stare’ becomes more disturbing by the day. I’m sure he’s squeezing them out sideways.

3.The stench from a burst nappy bag will make you yearn for the sweet aroma of an open sewer.

4.Crossing a busy road with a pram feels like a real life game of Frogger.

5.Apparently to an 8 month old ‘go to sleep’ means ‘do a James Brown impression for the next forty minutes.’

6.Some baby pukes have the force of an angry power shower.

7.Parenthood makes your personal standards plummet quicker than a damp paper aeroplane.

8.You can be so tired your face droops like a novelty candle.

9.My willpower towards food when I’m exhausted is weaker than a field mouse with M.E.

10.Brushing your baby’s first tooth makes you realise with a heavy heart that they really do grow up too fast.

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. Click here to follow my parenting blog on Facebook. (Or go to the top right of this page)

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13 March 2017 at 02:32

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