10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week (#11)

1.If I don’t clean that Jumperoo soon we’re gonna have new life forms growing on it.

2.Controlled crying makes you feel like an evil bastard.

3.Our house is a vortex of missing items. This week alone I’ve lost a camcorder, two shoes and my sanity.

4.The twins babbling to each other is like a Welsh sitcom - entertaining and completely incomprehensible.

5.My most consistent and vivid fantasy these days is about owning a second outdoor bin.

6.Babies find their bibs tastier than their food. Twin babies find their sibling’s food tastier than their own bib and their sibling’s bib tastier than everything.

7.My boys are only 8 months old but I can’t remember the time before they got here.

8.The music on ‘Tiddlers TV’ is more repetitive than Status Quo.

9.It’s really difficult to stop yourself from laughing when both babies are blowing raspberries in public.

10.The hangover I used to get from eight pints of lager, half a bottle of Jack Daniels and three Jagerbombs on an empty stomach can now be achieved with one large glass of wine.

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. Click here to follow my parenting blog on Facebook. (Or go to the top right of this page)

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